They say that a happy person is the one who can laugh at themselves. Seeing as how I am always finding myself in a situation that personifies this statement, let me share with you my latest adventure…Hang on!
The title speaks for itself. Yes dear friends I went tubing. It sounded harmless… big yellow tubes, you and your extended family sharing an hour floating peacefully down a small mountain river. Sounds normal, right? Well I am sure that is what happens when ‘normal’ people go tubing, but it damn sure isn’t what happened when I went tubing!
To say that I was skeptical is an understatement and once I saw this ‘out house’ looking operation, I became even more so. But, being a mother, I realize that I don’t have forever to make memories with my kids, so I squeezed myself into a bathing suit, and said “You can do this Mag’s!” Pep talks when putting on a bathing suit are always a good thing…So are rose colored glasses and complete avoidance of mirrors.
When I say ‘Out House’ I am not kidding. This lovely business by the riverside was surrounded by a nice trading post and other cute shops, but the ‘shack’ from which the tubing operation was run, looked like an out house painted white. This should have been my first clue that all was not going to go according to plan. However the first bit of a tingle didn’t start until my family and I piled into the back of the transport van…Oh. My. God. This van had thick shag carpet from 1970-something and the fleas that called this lushness their home soon found their way to my ankles. These critters were apparently Yankees, hell bent on marching their way up legs like Sherman marching to the sea!
My ENTIRE body screamed at me to GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
I tried to ‘scoot’ myself to the back of this van and off the lush carpet. Trying to do this in bathing suit with Crocs on left me looking somewhat like a dog dragging his ass across the grass. It was not a pretty sight, but I didn’t care, me and my ass were seeking refuge on the small space in the back that was ‘shag free’. However when I had almost scooted to my goal, the back doors of the van flew open and my brother-in-law and son began shoving a double-seater inner tube inside. I quickly tried to retreat from my derrière dragging position without success. Ever saw a dog try to ‘backup’ in that position? No, me either, at least not successfully. I went from upright to a position that looked like a beetle on its back. WHACK!! I had been hit with this monster inner tube…Magnolia down!!
My son and brother-in-law jumped in behind this monster tube and my brother-in-law looked down at me and said “What are you doing down there?” The answers that flew through my brain luckily did not come out of my mouth. There were small children present and I didn’t want to be quoted for the rest of my days by my niece and daughter who NEVER miss a bad word that is spoken. My rants, I have discovered, can be legendary, and at times, are reenacted by those who witnessed them. But I digress… Continue reading